I’m a great believer that we get what we want – what we aim for or ‘ask’ for – in life. However quite often the things you want to happen don’t happen quite the way you expect. But then I’ve always known it was never any good planning life in too much detail. All you can do is be brave, follow your heart, and take some steps on the path you want to follow. Sometimes you don’t even realise that you’re taking those steps.
I walked out of the office last week. It wasn’t so much that I hadn’t done anything wrong – I had – but the offence was relatively minor (and highlighted certain security weaknesses) and what especially annoyed me was the way I was spoken to. There have now been three recent occasions when I haven’t liked someone’s tone so I’ve been quite blunt about what I think – which is unusual for me as I always think I don’t like confrontation. However I have stuck up for myself and tend to think ‘good for me’ – I’m not going to be put down by other people.
The thing is, I had breached IT policy by looking at (my home) gmail on the office laptop, and it had introduced a virus – so I was completely in the wrong. But the worst thing about it is that I have put my long-suffering boss in an awkward position. First he has to find someone at short notice to cover for me while I’m off with stress/depression at the end of last year; then he re-arranges his own diary so I don’t have to work so many days in Whitehaven; and then on top of it all I go and upset the apple cart like this.
So today I was working at ‘head office’, a pleasant and short car journey from home along winding country roads. When I arrived my boss told me that I was basically persona non grata in Whitehaven and that they won’t let me ever, ever, ever back on the network. However he didn’t sack me on the spot but has plenty of work for other clients. He seemed concerned that he can’t guarantee that into the future, but in fact I’ll take that risk – and we also agreed that I could go on to a zero hours contract.
So in one fell swoop something which could have resulted in my being in the queue at the job centre has instead provided me with different work, in a pleasant environment, the flexibility to work more or less when I want to and at the times of day I want to (if I want to work from 12 noon until 12 midnight I can, if I don’t have meetings: the freelance lifestyle I’ve always wanted), and also confirmation that my ‘insanity’ in November was indeed down in part to Whitehaven, and it’s not just my being completely loony. I also have a kind, supportive boss of the same type I had when I worked for Ian Jarvis at British Waterways (one of the best bosses I have ever had): he doesn’t make me feel that I’m a silly, overemotional angst-ridden fool but seems to value my work (even if it is because surveyors are hard to come by in Cumbria – on the other hand some people are too much trouble to keep however highly qualified they are).
I drove home along lovely country lanes tonight (in the dark!) and tears of gratitude and relief suddenly rolled down my cheeks. Thank You, God!